Fond of you
by ZiftNit
Summary: I have commandeered the characters from LTiH since the creator has taken leave of her senses and plunged into melodramatic brutality. For Kate and Caroline, there will be trials. There will be tribulation. There will be drama. But there will be no gratuitous indulgence in tired lesbian tropes.
1. Chapter 1

"So, well, where do you think they are?', Kate asked trying to gauge how concerned Caroline actually was.

"I've got no idea! Nobody does, that's…" Caroline caught herself and soften her tone. "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm just wound up?"

"Course, it's all right," Kate realized she had adopted the conciliatory tone of hostage negotiator but she felt herself on uncertain ground in this very new relationship. Should she insist on driving out to be with her? Should she offer to watch the boys?

"I'm sure she's absolutely...She doesn't go out after dark, as a rule, though, that's the eyes aren't what they 'll be an explanation." Caroline said more to herself than Kate as she struggled to keep panic at bay.

"Listen, ring me if there's anything I can do. Or if you just want to talk to someone." That's the balance Kate thought, inviting, comforting, available but not pushy.

"What were you ringing me for?" Caroline asked suddenly aware she hadn't let Kate say more than hello before launching into a monologue about Gillian's overreacting.

"Oh! It doesn't seem so important. You said we should go away. For the weekend...together...somewhere...possibly," In for a penny, in for a pound thought Kate and plunged forward into the uncertainty. "And I wanted to know if you meant it, and if you did, if I should fix something up."

The pause seemed excruciatingly long and Kate only realized she was holding her breath when Caroline finally ask "Can we talk about it later?"

"Yeah, of course." Kate tried to keep tone light, not needy as she closed the computer on the Barcelona hotel she'd imagined them having their first trip away together."_Listen, ring me if there's anything I can do. Or if you just want to talk to someone." _

_Why didn't I say me. If you want to talk to me._

Clearly with her mum and Alan missing Caroline was swinging rather wildly between her take-charge, everything-will-be-all-right mode and full-on, total panic. Best to give her room but Kate brought the phone to bed, made sure it was well-charged and hoped she'd hear from Caroline with good news soon. _Or if you just want to talk..to someone._

Every since the late night visit from an apologetic but still reserved Celia, Kate and Caroline had begun, well you'd have to call it courting. Lunches three times a week. Dinner dates on as many nights. And they'd spend at least three nights a week together, usually at Kate's half the week with an occasional stay in Caroline's.

Kate's home was a refuge and this trip away felt like a moment that the final walls Caroline kept carefully in place might be breached.

The further from Caroline's house they were the better as far as Kate was concerned. John was a constant mopey presence and Lawrence didn't bother to hide his contempt.

Despite a certain tentativeness, a lingering at the closet door, Caroline was to Kate's mind surprisingly adventurous in bed. She flushed with the memory of Caroline slipping a scarf over Kate's eyes and pinning her hands over her head. "You aren't allowed to touch me. Just let me thoroughly enjoy your gorgeous body." The tenderness, the devotion, the teasing and the ecstasy of it all overwhelmed her anew. But now, in the stillness of the house Kate wondered if that had been a kind of closet too.

It was sometime after 3:47am - the last time she remembered checking the time - that Kate finally drifted off to sleep. The worry and growing annoyance no longer producing enough adrenaline to keep her awake.

She jerked upright with a gasp of panic as her alarm blared the phone died in the night? Had she missed Caroline's desperate or relieved news?

She fumbled beneath her pillow and felt relief and despair surge through her when the screen indicated no missed calls and no text messages at all.

_The news couldn't be good, perhaps I should call_, thought Kate as she brushed her teeth.

No, Caroline had been a bit sharp last night. Kate had invited her call and she hadn't. No need to come off as needy...again. No, she'd wait.

At least til half 10 before she hit number one on speed dial.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Arriving at Sulgrave, Kate scanned the parking lot quickly feeling a bit ridiculous for hoping to see Caroline's car there and daring it to be parked in the headmistress spot. Kate knew Caroline could be a bit blinkered, self-absorbed, even inconsiderate but usually in rather harmless ways at least since Kate had called her out that day in the garden after the "Michael Bloody Dobson" incident.

* * *

><p>"<em>I don't know what normal relationships are like", Caroline had said, her face more open and heartbreakingly vulnerable than Kate had ever seen her before.<em>

"_I see them, but I don't know how to do them. __So I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I've hurt you or taken you for granted._

_I will endevour not to do that in the future."_

* * *

><p>And she had endeavoured. She would ask about Kate's day every now and again first before she'd launched into a rant about this bureaucratic arse or some foul up that cost her time, money or both. She'd even inquire about Kate's Dad out of the blue or ask which country her mother's globe trotting schedule had her exploring that week. Kate often imagined Caroline proudly checking off a list of things people should do like a sociopath approximating human emotion. At other times it struck her as the earnestness of someone using a phrase a bit choppily in a newly acquired language. The former she found occasionally aggravating, the latter endlessly charming.<p>

But if Caroline McElliot had left her waiting by the phone and in a panic all night without so much as a courtesy phone call...Kate didn't allow herself to finish that thought or spiral where it would take her. Her love came equipped with a deep reservoir of patience, the assumption of best intentions and a great deal of forgiveness but it had it's limits and Caroline had run squarely into the wall Kate could erect if she felt the balance tip wildly out of proportion.

* * *

><p><em>"Kate? What are you doing?!" Caroline called out hoping Kate hadn't caught the worst of the heated motherdaughter exchange._

_"I called a cab," Kate replied flatly._

_"Why?"_

_"I'm going home."_

_"Well, why? I thought you were going to stay the night."_

_"Yeah, well, I'm not now, so…"_

_"Oh, look" Caroline began in a tone that reignited Kate's anger and hurt._

_"Wow, she's hardcore, isn't she, your mum?"_

_"I don't know what you heard," Caroline ventured hoping again to assess the damage._

_"It's fine. I always knew you didn't feel the same way about me as I did about you._

_But telling her that before she's even met me?" Kate said the insult of it burning in her eyes._

_"No, I was just trying to explain ...how it started." Caroline struggled for the words because there was truth. Kate may have felt more at first but something had shifted and Caroline did not know how to define it._

_"Caroline, it's fine, honestly. I'm just going home."_

_"Oh, come back inside."_

_The irresistible force of Caroline had met for the first time the immovable object that Kate McKenzie could be._

* * *

><p>Seeing no Jeep, Kate's heart sank again and she wrestled with the desire to call and check on Caroline and to give her space and to be honest, preserve some of Kate's frayed dignity.<p>

Of course she knew the relationship had begun tragically one-sided with Kate allowing herself to be jerked about or taken for granted. Caroline always set the tempo long before their first kiss.

_Their very first kiss_.

The memory of it made her glad she was sitting down. It was Kate's boldest move in the - what to call this undefined thing between them?

A bottle of Malbec along with the chicken curry that Kate called her signature dish. Assorted pastries purchased at a high end bakery that Caroline insisted she bring along with the wine. After dinner a Moscat d'Asti dessert wine that Kate served in tiny glasses she almost never got to use. And laughter. Lots of laughter as they sat on the couch with feet tucked beneath them, their knees almost touching, as they talked. Caroline had uncurled her legs and reached across Kate to grab the bottle and pour herself just a bit more wine. She's looked up with soft eyes and the gentlest smile Kate had ever seen and asked. "Would you like some?" _Sigh._ Kate leaned forward to put her glass within reach of the bottle and held eye contact with Caroline. And then Kate felt herself lean closer and closer pulled without intent, almost against her will by gravity, toward Caroline. Kate leaned in despite the roaring expectation that Caroline would shoot off the couch and spill wine as she sputtered apologies for giving Kate the wrong impression. It was a soft kiss, unmistakable but not insistent and Kate felt Caroline smile slightly.

It was the 6th time they had spend time together off campus. First at Beverly's birthday party when Caroline first heard Kate play ragtime on the piano. They'd discovered a similar taste in music and made Kate promise to invite her over to hear her play and sample her extensive music library. A promise Kate kept about a months later. So 3:30pm on a early day for both Kate took out a record player and a stack of her favorites and served as DJ as they listened to records and Caroline relaxed on the couch enjoying tea and a small sipping whiskey that Kate's father had always kept on hand. Caroline hadn't felt this relaxed since she'd smoked a joint at university with her...roommate. She'd thanked Kate as she headed home, a bit late for dinner. "We'll do it again sometime" Kate called to her as she headed up the drive to her car. "Soon, I hope," Caroline shouted over her shoulder with a final wave.

The third time was several months later at the Independent School National Conference in London where they had sat up late in the hotel bar comparing 9F horror stories and Kate had raved about William's writing. "He's got a great ear for dialogue Caroline. He really pays attention to the subtle things that tell the story of a person. I know you like the hard sciences and he's definitely got the aptitude for whatever he pursues but I'm telling you he's quite gifted." Kate might have said, "He notices the silence in your house. The distance between you and John. The tension over dinner". But it wasn't her place and she wasn't sure then quite what her motive was but she didn't quite trust it.

Then there was the trip to Manchester for the First Year's excruciating Hamlet when they both neglected their chaperoning duties and slipped away from the hotel for fear their brutal assessment of the play might be overheard by a student, parent or teacher who would not appreciate their wine soak, vivid re-enactments of some of the worst cockups.

Caroline had laughed, deeply and unself-consciously until she had to wipe tears away. And if Kate had to pinpoint it, that was the moment she slipped off the ledge of harmless but potent workplace crush to being undeniably in love.

The fifth time had come a few weeks later. Kate had stayed late to work with several of her top students who were heading to competition. She was a teacher who knew how to be encouraging but also put up with no foolishness. She would cheer you on if you were giving your all but call you up short for less than your best effort. Her students loved her and most of the teaching staff as well though a few of her colleagues mistook her cheerful optimistic nature as the mark of an easy pushover. She'd packed up her things and was heading with her students out to the parking lot when she noticed the light on in Beverly's office. She sent the students on to catch their rides and popped her head. No Beverly in sight but Caroline's door was ajar and the lights were on so she leaned in to say hello.

"You're putting in the hours," Kate said cheerfully unprepared for the sight of Caroline crying.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." Kate said stepping quickly back into the reception area.

"No, no, don't worry. Come in. Come in," Caroline had called. "It's alright. I've had myself a good cry. Just wrapping it up," she said with the false bravado of someone desperate to regain their emotional footing.

Kate had never seen Caroline cry and it shocked her and shattered her heart.

"Are you alright? Has something happened?", Kate asked testing the ground.

"I'm famished. Have you had dinner?" Caroline asked as though she hadn't heard the question.

"No, I was just heading...", Kate's head was swimming. She felt protective and disoriented.

"Let's grab dinner. My treat." Caroline was back.

"Oh you don't have to…." Kate was now the one needing equilibrium.

"I insist. Besides Lawrence is spending the weekend at Angus'. William is at work til late and I really don't want to go home to an empty house."

_Empty house? _Those two words ricocheted through Kate clanging like an alarm.

_Where was John? _

_What on this good earth could make Caroline Elliot, PhD cry?_

_Whatever it was Kate was ready to go to war with it? Scratch out John's eyes if necessary. He'd better put things right_


	3. Chapter 3

Kate followed Caroline's car to the parking lot of a restaurant she'd never been in before. It was much more posh than she'd expected and she felt a bit self-conscious and under-dressed for such a formal place.

The bar was a bit loud and the maitre'd seated them in a quiet area toward the back in a high-backed booth, cozy and private.

Kate perused the menu trying her best to find something with an actual cost listed rather than Market Price.

"I'm not very hungry really. A nice salad would do for me," Kate said closing the heavy menu and smiling across at Caroline.

"Nonsense. The head chef here has a son who graduated from Sulgrave about three years ago, brilliant lad, majoring in Chemistry at Oxford," said Caroline in a voice far too chipper for the circumstances. "He tends to take very good care of me when I come in and i insist on this being my treat."

Seeing the look of uncertainty, Caroline changed tactics. "Tell you what. I'll order a few small plates and you can sample the best French cuisine in for at least 400 miles."

"Sounds good," Kate smiled and gave in to the Caroline's enthusiasm. She would simply enjoy this unexpected luxury and hope Caroline would trust her enough to really talk.

A waiter appeared, an older man in a black shirt and slacks and a clean white apron.

"Bonsoir jolies dames." he said bowing slightly.

Kate replied "Bonsoir. Vous êtes très gentil."

He arched an eyebrow to her and smiled. "Parlez-vous français?"

"Oui, je enseigne le français ainsi," replied Kate

"Votre accent est parfait. Que puis-je vous apporter à boire?" said the waiter clearly pleased.

"Arrosez pas de glace pour moi se il vous plaît. Où est votre salle de bains?" Kate said, glad to exercise her French and for something to make her more at ease in such a fancy place.

"Passez devant la barre à gauche et ce est la première porte sur votre droite," the waiter gestured toward the bar and Caroline had enough context to guess where Kate was heading when she said she'd be right back.

In the powder room Kate took a quick look at her hair. She swept a few rebellious strands back off her face and smoothed them back into place. She didn't wear much makeup but a light foundation seemed to be in order. She straightened her collar and re-tucked her shirt twice before concluding it was draping as elegantly as was possible.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Kate asked her reflection. "What are you primping for?"

And she was primping without a doubt. And what was with all the French showing off. "give me water. where's the loo" was about as basic as it gets but Kate was aware of Caroline's attention during the exchange and she felt herself basking in the warmth of it.

"Get yourself together MacKenzie." she said with a final appraisal and headed back to the table.

"I've ordered a few things I think you'll like," said Caroline. "I'm sure I disappointed him by pointing at the menu. He was clearly taken with you."

Kate was blushing at the flirty smile Caroline gave her. "Well it is nice to get to have a conversation rather than the hours of conjugation and verb tense exercises."

"I also ordered us a bottle of wine, a nice Cabernet. I seemed to recall you enjoyed that the most during our Manchester night on the town," Caroline said.

"That was loads of fun", Kate laughed recalling steading Caroline as they stepped onto the elevator, her heels giving way as she laughed. Her hand on the small of Carolines back guiding her slightly. It was a fleeting moment of intimacy and Kate felt it like an jolt of adrenalin.

"Well before our waiter returns to sweep you off your feet, I may as well tell you…" Caroline paused and gathered her thoughts or courage or both. "I may as well tell you that John has moved out. Well he moved out about three weeks ago but now I'm convinced it is over and done."

"Oh Caroline. I'm so sorry," said Kate surprised at herself that she actually meant it.

"Yes, well it has been a...surreal. He's having an affair. Technically I guess he had an affair and now he's simply left me...for her." Caroline's facade was falling and her eyes were moist with tears she would not permit to fall.

Kate slid closer and took Caroline's hand. "I am sorry. And I can tell you this, I don't know John but he is a damnable fool. You are gorgeous, smart, respected, kind and an incredible mum. He's going to regret this mid-life crisis. What kind of idiot would it take to walk away from you?" She'd struggled to keep her words entirely in the friend zone, but felt a few of them spin out on their own trajectory. Release counter-measures.

"When Richard and I divorced it was the worst and best thing that had happened to me."

"You were married?" the shock in Caroline's voice took them both by surprise.

"I'm a woman in my 40s and hardly the only divorcee on staff," said Kate, feeling vaguely insulted.

"No, I just mean. I had heard that you were...well. I understood that you are not um. Okay. well I've stepped in it now haven't I," Caroline said before polishing off the final third of her wine and bracing for Kate's wrath.

Instead Kate burst out laughing. She'd never seen Caroline, Dr. Elliot, Head teacher and force of nature befuddled. It was endearing and Kate was amused and touched by the unguarded intimacy of their dinner.

"Kate I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way," Caroline said as Kate struggle to compose herself.

"No, no not at all. So yes, I'm gay and I'm surprised that school gossip reaches all the way to your office," Kate said enjoying a sense of having the upper hand for once.

"Well I do have two boys in school and nothing gets past Beverly," Caroline was back at ease and grateful Kate had let her off the hook. "So yes I had heard... so I was a bit shocked that you'd been married."

"Richard was a very, very dear person and he came along at a moment when I felt a great deal of family pressure to follow a certain path. I spent a great deal of time raised by my extremely religious grandmother for various reason. Anyway, he was nice and I wanted to have children and I compartmentalized my life in a way I vowed I'd never do again."

"Did you? Have children?" Caroline asked, clearly fascinated by this unexpected revelation.

"No. That didn't work out," Kate replied in a tone that gently barred any further questions on the topic. "We were married for four years. We divorced about a year and a half before I applied at Sulgrave."

Caroline nodded slowly as if she were processing this information, mentally chewing it into pieces. Kate braced herself. She'd had this conversation a time or two. Usually from a date who couldn't fathom how Kate who identified as gay could have been in a marriage and had sex with a man.

She was ready for that inevitable follow up question now from Caroline. But it did not arrive and Kate filed that information away to ponder later as the waiter returned to offer coffee.

The women suddenly noticed they were nearly alone in the restaurant. When had that rowdy bar crowd cleared out?

"Thank goodness it isn't a school night. It's after midnight," said Caroline glancing at her cellphone. "It has been awhile since I've been out drinking and laughing."

"Well, we should make a habit of it," added Kate lightly enough she was sure it did not sound like flirting. Nope. She was securely in the friend zone with her friend and boss who already knew she was a lesbian and had no problem with it at all.

Then Caroline looked up, her blue eyes filling once more with unspent tears and Kate went hurtling passed planet friendship into the disorienting galaxy of unrequited longing.

"Thank you for letting me kidnap you. I was dreading being alone and tearful in that house. When John told me," Caroline took a breath and dabbed away the tears. "When John told me about her I was livid. I threw my shoes at him. Can't even recall everything I yelled at him. Smashed a couple of pictures in the hall, scared the boys, I was in a total rage."

"Well that's not unexpected, is it?" offered Kate.

"Thing is I wasn't jealous. That's not the part that bothered me. Still isn't. I was humiliated that my life had become so drab, such a bloody cliche. It was just so embarrassing. Listen, believe me, John's no great catch. In some ways I'm well rid of him. But I never imagined life being so...grey," Caroline finished the sentence by plopping her chin into the palm of her left hand. "I may be drunk."

"I was beginning to wonder, " said Kate surveying the wine bottles. "Perhaps we should get a cab. And listen I'm much closer to here than you. You're welcome to stay in the spare room and we can get are cars in the morning. Wouldn't do to have the head of Sulgrave Health pulled over for driving whilst intoxicated."

"Well it would distract the rumour mill from my philandering soon to be ex-husband," said Caroline. "But you're right. No need to tempt fate. I'm sure they won't mind if we leave our cars overnight."

The maitre'd summoned a cab and soon the women were seated in the back headed toward Kate's cozy home in a silence borne of too much food and too much drink and just enough laughter.

Kate broke the silence remembering her Saturday morning ritual.

"I've got to run a few errands pretty early in the morning but you are welcome to sleep in for as long as you like. I visit my father on Saturdays. He's got Alzheimers and I try…" Kate's monologue was interrupted by Caroline's head suddenly slumping against her shoulder. Caroline had passed out minutes into the cab ride like a colicky baby soothed by the steady rumble of the tires. Kate shifted to give Caroline's neck a better angle and quietly hoped the cab would take the long way home.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate paid the cab driver, over tipping him rather than struggle with the change as she gently woke Caroline.

Caroline was still a bit groggy as Kate unlocked the door and led the way into her living room.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Kate said brightly.

"I think I might fall asleep in it. God I wasn't always such a lightweight," Caroline said squinting a bit as the kitchen light came on.

Kate grabbed a small tea pot, two mugs and three earl grey tea bags from the cabinet next to the stove and selected the sugar cubes she reserved for special occasions. She didn't know if Caroline like a strong or weak cup, preferred milk to cream or neither. She began to catalogue the small things she did know.

Caroline took her glasses off when she was about to have a go at someone. It was a thing to behold but not from the receiving end.

She had a different strut for different circumstance. One when she was proud of her students. Another when she was annoyed. A third when she was reminding students who ran things around Sulgrave. That powerful strut on those impossible heels was the beginning of the end for Kate. She'd could have pondered that confident stride for hours but the kettle began to whine and snapped her out of her revery.

She called out to Caroline as she prepared the tray to carry to the living room.

"I've got a guest bedroom up the stairs. Clean sheets and a little space heater. It gets a bit chilly in there but it's comfortable…"

Caroline was already asleep on the couch, her shoes off and kicked beneath the end table. She looked calm and peaceful a slight smile on her face. Kate set the tea down and went to the hall closet to pull down a quilt. She tucked the covers around Caroline and went to remove the glasses perched atop her head when she stirred. Their faces were so close that Kate felt an immediate panic that her gesture might be misunderstood as Caroline opened her eyes an looked into Kate's eyes.

"Thank you Kate. It was a lovely evening. Sorry I'm not more…" she began to drift off again.

"Not to worry. Get some sleep," Kate smiled setting the eyeglasses within easy reach on the end table before tucking the covers around Caroline's shoulders.

"You are a very good friend Kate," Caroline said without opening her eyes. "You're very kind... and you're very pretty."

Kate froze. And waited. Nothing else. Within minutes Caroline was deep asleep, breathing rhythmically and oblivious to the electric jolt she'd just sent coursing through Kate's heart.

Kate sat back in the chair and watched Caroline sleep until the wine overtook the charge and she drifted off to sleep.

Kate opened her eyes, slightly disoriented and aware of a pain in her neck. She'd slept all night in the chair, cold tea on the table and Caroline sleep fast asleep where she'd left her but now facing the back of the couch.

Moving quietly, Kate stretched, smiled at the sight of Caroline's stocking feet poking out from beneath the quilt, and headed upstairs to shower and change.

She left a note where she knew Caroline would be sure to see it and felt thankful she would be gone before her guest awoke. The night had opened too many closed doors. Left too many threads Kate's mind kept wanting to follow. Better to be alone to sort through it all and put things back in the proper bin.

Her father would be in the garden by now. She would wave to him from behind the gate and he would beam at her as she approached. Once she was in earshot, he would call out a name, usually Ginika, sometime Siobhan but never Kate. He would talk to his daughter like a sister or an old friend and Kate would hide the pain of the disease that erased her from her father's memory.

On this day she felt comfort in his face and a settled quality to her visit. This is how it was. This is how it would be. But today she felt less adrift in the turbulent sea of her father's dementia. Today she felt a quiet shift in the world of possibility. Her boss, her friend had known she was gay. Her friend had not questioned how a gay woman might find herself married to a man. She seemed to understand it. And after the tears and the laughter and the trust that grew between them she wanted Kate to know that her friendship meant something. And it meant more to Kate than she had ever intended to admit.

_And you're very pretty._

She could hold on to that without getting carried away.

_Very pretty._

That would be enough


End file.
